ME& life being sunnier

Well this weekend London is experiencing a little sneak at the summer we should have had with it being hotter here today than Italy. And my mood and outlook on life also seem to be sunnier.

I think it will take a few weeks for my body to short itself out but the last two days I have felt better than I ever have done in a while. Kicking my antidepressants has been the best decision I have made in a long time. I won't lie in saying that the first four or five days after I stopped taking them was hell, mood swings, constant migraines and dull thumping head mixed with a fear I wouldn't sleep that kept me awake. However not all the withdrawal symptoms were bad as I did loose my appetite for three days and lost half a stone in weight.

But the last two days I've physically been tired but my body just wants to smile. My senses and feelings seem sharper almost like they have been dulled for the past three years. Its hard to describe I guess its like having them on a low volume or muted, they happened but I never truly felt them. Now all of a sudden the volume has been cranked up.

Today I'm cooking a huge tray of my home made lasagna, something I've not done in a couple of years, I'm smiling, wanting kisses from G and reflecting the change in the weather perfectly. Even now I'm sitting here with a content smile on my face, the corners of my sultry mouth are turning up at the ends, I'm actually physically smiling.

Oh I forgot to give you a run down on the Katy Perry gig on Wednesday. Despite working nearly 20hours straight on Tuesday and Wednesday, I was on call for work on Tuesday night, I some how managed the energy to meet up with my friend Caroline for pre-gig cocktails after work then a quick bite to eat. We got to the Scala in Kings Cross around 8pm and the place was small, intimate and packed with around 250 people. We managed to get a spot near the stage and Katy Perry graced us with her presence around 9pm.

For the next two hours she held us in the palm of her hand as she sung all the songs from her new album, One of the Boys. She sounded great, played a mean guitar but the highlights for me were, "Waking up in Vegas", "Ur so Gay", "Self Inflicted" and the world wide no1 hit "I kissed a girl". (Click on the songs for camera footage on Youtube).

Katy had some great banter with us in the audience and gave a great solid two hour performance, it was the most real performance I've seen this year. The crowd was made up of young girls with lipstick kisses on their cheeks, cute skinny gay boys, music industry people, a fairly sized lesbian contingent (some looked menacingly at the straight girls) and loads of indie kids. It was a great buzz and not one of us went home disappointed.

I took a few more pictures, in case you are interested, click here. A reveiw of the gig in The Sun - click here.

Anyway the rest of my weekend will be spent enjoying my lovely home made lasagna and watching X-factor followed by the "Sex in the City" movie, how gay?

ME& kicking the pills

Well its been four days since I decided to stop taking my antidepressants, amitriptyline. I've been on 200mg every night for the last three years, that a pretty large dosage, they are also a sedative version of antidepressants.

I'm not not sure why I suddenly decided to stop taking them on Friday night but I did and everything was ok until Sunday. Sunday I had a headache all day and no amount of paracetamol or aspirin could clear it. I lay in bed worrying that I couldn't sleep which made my headache worse. I guess my body is just adjusting to the chemical unbalance.

Yesterday I felt really flat, it didn't help that work was so quiet so the day just dragged and I was left thinking about whether I should start taking my tablets again. I was a little shaky but I got through it but sleeping was once again a mammoth task.

I'm trying to remember what I was like before I became reliant on amitriptyline and I don't think I had any problems sleeping. That came with the depression, continual drinking and sniffing cocaine. Now that's not been a part of my life for a couple of years why is it still a problem?

Once again I put this down to my body dealing with the change in the chemical levels the medication triggered. I know if I can just get through this week I'll be ok. Luckily I'm busy Wednesday night as I'm going to see Katy Perry in concert and Thursday is the retirement do for an old boss. Maybe keeping myself occupied is the way through it.

ME& Life being tough

Well this week has been a tough one socially. G had to go to the hospital for a biopsy on a possible skin cancer on his private region. It wasn't to bad but he needed a stitch and now has to wait two weeks for the results and before any treatment begins.

My BFF Sarea, who is pregnant for the first time was told by her doctor that due to her past medical history and age there was a 1 in 35 chance her baby could have down's syndrome. He then recommend that she undertake a amniocentesis screening to detect any problems. This in its self has a risk of causing miscarraige, but Sarea and her fiancee Paul decided it would be better to know, just to ensure they could prepared for a child who would have special needs. One part of me thought that if it doesn't make any difference if their child had down's syndrome then what the point of having the test, but I'm not the one pregnant and I totally understand this is her first pregnancy and she just wants to be sure. Anyway after deliberating on whether to get the test, then having it administered they had to wait two days to find out they are in the clear. Like them I gave a sigh of relief and I have a strong feeling they will have a strong healthy boy when he pops out in February.

The health theme stayed with me this week as my sister Lyndsay also went into hospital on Thursday to remove what they hope is a small cyst above her nipple. As she lives up in Edinburgh and I'm in London I wasn't able to offer much support but my Mum accompanied her and it all seemed to go ok. Like G she'll have to play the waiting game for the result.

My old college buddy Rica also confessed to me this week that her marriage of four years had run its course and she was separating from her husband. She's already brought up a son by her self and now she's got a daughter who is soon to be three to bring up as a single parent. She's not bitter in fact she's looking forward to her new life. My friend is very self sufficient. She's not fooling herself she knows times will be tough and is considering a taking a second job at the weekend in a bar or club for extra money, but she knows it will work and this is the only chance they have for ensuring some civility between them, instead for becoming a couple who totally hate each other. I totally admire Rica's strength and level headedness.

As some light relief to the week G and I went to Bingo on Friday night with our friend Louise. Louise is one of those people that can lift your spirits just by conversation. We had such a laugh as we decided that for the whole evening we would have to speak in a Nigerian accent. Not one of us is Nigerian, in fact Louise is as fair skinned and as flame red headed as they come. It kept us in stitches especially as my accent veered more towards an Indian one. We were unlucky in Bingo but the night out spent with Louise more than made up for it.

Later that night I made a big decision of my own, I decided to stop taking my antidepressants. I'm not sure why and I know a clean break is not recommend when coming off medication but I feel that I'm ok. In fact I think I rely on my medication more to help me sleep as they are a sedative. Friday night I finally drifted off but it was the fact that I was convinced I'd not be able to sleep without them that kept me awake. Last night I was ok and feel asleep with no problem.

I've been on my tablets for about three years and I'm totally in a different place now, in fact I'm a totally different person. I now drink socially and no more than a bottle of wine a week where as three years ago I could polish off a bottle or two in an evening, that's what happens when you drink to forget. I no longer have taste or lust for cocaine, so that habit has gone. Once again something else to help me forget or deal with shit. And after councelling and living a normal life, mentally I'm ok with myself and who I am. I guess I've been continuing with my medication as a crutch, a sort of well I'm better and it must be down to the tablets approach. I've been fooling myself that if I stop taking the tablets I'll revert back to my former self.

I guess I'm stronger than that, and I should have seen that sooner. Fingers crossed I make it through this week without them, then I can chuck my pills down the toilet for good. Lets face it some of the stuff my friends, family and loved one are going through is much harder to deal with and none of them need to be medicated to get on with life. I'm in a very fortunate position and its time I realise this and stand on my own two feet and not rely on my happy pills.

ME& the credit crunch in the work place

My friend sent me this rather amusing email about the affects of the credit crunch in the workplace and some revised company HR policy's.















NEW OFFICE POLICY AFFECTIVE OF SEPTEMBER 10, 2008

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes, Versace dresses and carry a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Breaks:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

ME& Lego

Madonna, Amy Winehouse and Cheryl Cole are amongst the pop culture stars to be immortalised in Lego.The iconic range of plastic figures have been created to mark the 30th anniversary of the famed toy building block company.David Beckham and Spice Girl wife Victoria are amongst the other celebrities chosen, alongside Cliff Richard and other international showbiz figures."X-Factor" judges Simon Cowell, Danni Minogue and Louis Walsh have also been made, alongside Girls Aloud singer Cole.The figures are not expected to be put on official sale to the public. (source: Yahoo Launch UK)

ME& Louis Vuitton

When G & I were in Rome three weeks ago, it seems like longer than that. Anyway we had a good old shopping spree in the designer shops by the Spanish Steps. One shop that caught my eye was the Louis Vuitton shop with it's LCD stair case.

ME& Blond, bored and Britney

Well I've had enough of forgetting things and having more fun. I was bored this evening and had a Britney moment and shaved my head, what do you think sexy and hot or not?

ME& G getting Sticky and Sweet with Madonna in Wembley

Well the Goddess of modern day gay culture, Queen of Pop the world wide chameleon-esq icon was in town last night and G & I went to pray and worship her.

Yes we went to the Madonna concert in Wembley last night. I’d not been to Wembley Stadium since it was re-opened and I was shocked at how huge it is and you know what there were hardly any spare seats.

G’s tight grasp on my purse strings meant I was only allowed to buy the £70 tickets which were standing on the pitch and I’m so glad he did as we were about 100 ft away from the long runway part of the stage just outside the golden circle. Despite an email from Ticket master stating that she’d be on stage at 2030, Madonna came on stage at 2115 to rapturous applause. She may have kept us waiting but it was well worth it.

For 2 hours she sang her heart out and danced her but off and I was in heaven. The concert was to promote her new album ‘Hard Candy’ which to be honest I only liked a few songs but the ones I wasn’t to keen on took a different angle when she performed them. The best was ‘She’s not me’ when Madonna was joined on stage by 4 dancers dressed as Madonna through the ages.

My favourite section of the concert was the end with a rave version of 'Like a Prayer' and the rocking version 'Ray of light', 'Hung Up' and 'Give it 2 Me'. I was so hyper by the end of it I got a type of heavenly out of body experience, similar to the one a bible basher gets from going to Sunday service.

Anyway it was so great I'm struggling to find the words to describe so look at some of my pics. I tried to capture the event in pictures but being 5ft 5inches tall I spent the whole two hours on my tip toes so sorry about the blurry images - click here for more on my Flikr page.








Click on song titles below to download the tour versions of the songs she performed:

Intro / Opening
Candy Shop
Beat goes on
Human Nature
Vogue
Into the groove
Borderline
Miles Away
La Isla Bonita
You must love me
4 Minutes
Like a prayer
Ray of light
Hung Up
Give it 2 me

ME& Madonna

I'm sweaty, my voice is horse but I'm on a total high. G & I just came back from seeing Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour at Wembley and she rocked. I'll post a full review over the weekend.

love you all x

ME& the original blond icon

I just found this looking through Youtube, its Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas singing call me with Debbie Harry from Blondie. Despite being in her 60's Debbie Harry still looks great and has killer cheek bones, I wish she was my mum.

ME& Italian Metro sign

While in Rome we got about by their Metro service. I took a picture of this warning sign and decided to add my own translation.

ME& my Roman / Italian holiday

Well I’m back from holiday refreshed, tanned, better educated and a little bit fatter due to pasta, pizza and wine. Italy was great I especially loved spending more than a quick weekend in Rome. The city is so lovely and our guided tours around the Coliseum, the ruins of old Rome and the Vatican Museum help inform our stay and helped us appreciate the city a little more.

I still can’t fully grasp how a civilisation like ancient Rome could conquer half the globe, be so technically advanced and forward thinking and yet so barbaric. We were told that bones from baby elephants, giraffes and hippo where found in the grounds of the Coliseum.

The details of the walls, ceilings and floors of the Vatican Museum just blow you away even more so when you learn that they had to paint them on wet plaster before it dried so it was a very length process. The financial worth of all the art, statues, and tapestries is just incomprehensible.

We lucked out on our car hire as they upgraded us from an automatic Fiat Punta to automatic BMW series 3, our drive to Pompeii was all that more smoother thanks to a Hertz cock up. The new sat nav also proved its worth by getting us from Rome to Pompeii without any cock ups.

Pompeii blew our socks off as well. The old city that was covered by ash from Vesuvius was so large and vast. It was hard to believe that some of the fresco's on the walls of villas in Pompeii where done thousands of years ago. Our drive from Pompeii to our flat in Scalea wasn’t so straight forward due to me not updating the sat nav.

For some reason I’d set the mode to pedestrian instead of car and it was only afterwards we’d spent 30mins carefully navigating backstreets of Nepal’s and their inconsiderate drivers that I twigged onto the problem and we high tailed it onto the local motorway.

Scalea was so hot, in fact even hotter than when I’d been there back in July with my Mum and sisters. G & I only managed two days of sunbathing due to the heat and spent most of the time in our air conditioned apartment watching DVDs. In five days we watched all six “Star Wars” films, 2 series of “Sex in the City” and 2 series of “French and Saunders”.

Anyway it was a great holiday, but I felt that two full weeks was a little much despite coming back to wet, dark and drab London. Since looking at the picture of me on the beech, I’m surprised I wasn’t mistaken for a beached whale. So needless to say after a 3 month lapse I’m hitting the gym again.

If you’re interested there are links to various holiday pictures.

Coliseum - http://www.flickr.com/photos/9565821@N06/sets/72157607142585878/
Roman ruins - http://www.flickr.com/photos/9565821@N06/sets/72157607150050843/
Vatican Museum - http://www.flickr.com/photos/9565821@N06/sets/72157607159867693/
Roma misc - http://www.flickr.com/photos/9565821@N06/sets/72157607166300351/
Pompeii - http://www.flickr.com/photos/9565821@N06/sets/72157607173283008/

ME& Holiday music download 4

Princess Anne - April 2008 Pop Hits Remix
1.Pryda vs Madonna - 4 Min to Pjanoo (Vocal dub Mix) Brilliant mashup!

2.Gusto - Disco Revenge 2008 (Freemasons Vocal Mix)

3.Yves Larock & Roland Richards - Zookey (Lift Your Leg Up) (Bobby Blanco Miki Moto Club Mix)

4.Brit Alex - Let It Go (Hse Mix)

5.Chanel - Dance (Fish & Chips Vocal Mix)

6.Estelle ft Kayne West - American Boy (soul seeker Club Mix)

7.Chic Flowerz - Sing It Back 2008 (Electro Mix)

8.Flo-rida Ft T-Tain - Low (Tribal Mix) hear this song everywhere in BKK

9.Natasha Bedingfield - Pocketful Of Sunshine (J.Vicious Mix)

10.Kimberly Locke - Fall (Scotty K Vocal Mix)

11.Danity Kane - Damaged (Tyler Nelson Dark Club mix)

12.Madonna & JT - 4 Minutes (Tribal Mix)

Click here to download

ME& Holiday music download 3

Princess Ann - 2007 Pop club hits mix
1.Madonna - Music (2006 Confession Tour Studio Mix)

2.Beyonce - One Night Only (Dance Mix)

3.Funkytown 2007

4.Nelly Furtado - Maneater (Rauhofer Mix Pt 2)

5.Lady Soverign ft Missy Elliot - Love Me Or Hate Me (F*ck U) (Tribal Mix)

6.Sonique - Tonight (Kurd Maverick)

7. Sergio Mendez - Mas Que Nada (Electro Mix)

8.Jerry Ropero Ft Kathy Brown - Ocean Drums (Tribal Mix)

9.Christina Aguilera -Hurt (Anthem Mix)

10.Beyonce - Irreplacable (Anthem RNB Mix)

Click here to download